A Kindergarten Epic
by Rose Starre
Summary: In the beginning, there was kindergarten… A downright messed-up kindergarten filled with WWE Superstars! A Kindergarten Epic takes you, as a reader, through a hectic year of kindergarten with most, if not all, of the present-day WWE roster (excluding divas, sorry).
1. In the Beginning

**Disclaimer: I own none of the people mentioned or their kindergartener forms.**

_This story does not take into consideration the ages or hometowns of the WWE Superstars, thus piling them into the same room at the same time. Oh, and the teacher is, in comparison to the Superstars, way older than she's supposed to be._

It all started in a little room filled with blocks and toys of all sorts. That's right, a kindergarten room: the place where you learn many of the basics needed in life. But what's this? A young Undertaker followed closely by his half-brother Kane? A miniature Miz? A five-year-old Randy Orton? What kind of school is this? Ah yes, WWE Elementary School.

These fledgling Superstars were flocking to this one place to learn submission moves and tricks for the ring. Maybe they would even develop their signature moves or their finishers. But why so young? Well, one has to train long and hard to get where the Superstars are today. (_Okay, maybe I'm over-exaggerating a little. But, moving on…_)

"Good morning, class," their teacher,Stephanie McMahon, said, happily showing the children to their seats. _That's odd,_ she thought, _a class full of boys. Why aren't there any girls in this class?_ Regardless of this strange fact, she put a smile on her face and looked over her newest class.

When Ms. McMahon was explaining the rules, the young Superstars were thinking about anything but rules. I'll show you…

The Miz: _I'm too awesome to have to listen to this._

Triple H: _Where is Shawn sitting?_

The Rock: _Can you smell what my mama is cooking?_

Randy Orton: _Where are the snakes mommy promised would be here?_

John Cena: _Aw, man, my nose itches again._

When the bell rang for recess, the children woke from their wandering thoughts. "That bell tells you that it's time for recess," Ms. McMahon told her class, "Now go outside and play."

XXXX(Outside)XXXX

Triple H walked outside with his buddy, Shawn Michaels. "So, what do you want to do?" Shawn asked.

"I want to play The Game, but my mommy wouldn't let me bring it," Triple H said sadly.

Shawn looked contemplative for a moment. "Wait," he said slowly, "Isn't that what The Rock does? Doesn't he 'Bring it'?"

Triple H thought for a second. "You know what?" he said, "I think he does. Let's go see what he's doing!"

"Yeah!" Shawn cried happily, "Let's see if The Rock is 'Bringing it'!"

The Rock was talking animatedly to Rey Mysterio, speaking with intense hand gestures that seemed to hold the smaller child's attention. Triple H and Shawn approached. "Are you 'Bringing it'?" Triple H burst out. The Rock looked confused.

"In the Junior-Ring," Shawn explained calmly, "You always say that you 'Bring it'. What does that mean, and are you doing it right now?"

"What?" The Rock murmured. After a minute of thought, he exclaimed, "Know your role and shut your mouth!"

Triple H and Shawn looked at each other, wondering if they could also come up with a cool catch-phrase. Triple H's eyes suddenly lit up. "Suck it!" he cried and threw a small stone that was handily sitting nearby at The Rock. This seemingly primitive utterance certainly did the trick.

The stone had had a slightly sharp edge and the sight of a drop of The Rock's blood caused Rey to gasp. "Hunter!" Shawn gasped, turning to his friend, "You made him bleed!"

Looking confused, Triple H said, "Wait, so The Rock _isn't_ made out of rock?"

"No, you dummy!" Shawn exclaimed, "Now, he's going to kill us!"

"Oh," Triple H said semi-calmly, "That explains the angry look. We should run now."

"Yes, let's do that," Shawn said, taking off in the opposite direction. Triple H followed soon after, a seething Rock hot on his heels.

Across the field, a young (and surprisingly beard-less) Daniel Bryan watched the whole thing unfold. He silently cheered The Rock on, hoping he would catch the future members of DX. He must have made a small noise, because suddenly there was hot breath on his neck.

Turning slowly and almost unwillingly, Daniel came face-to-face with his not-such-a-friend-but-not-an-enemy, Kane. His brother, Undertaker watched from a good distance away. "What's so interesting out there, Bryan?" Kane asked, grinning crazily.

Pointing hesitantly, Daniel answered, "The Rock is going to catch them." He then added in a small voice, "I think."

Kane looked where the smaller child was pointing. The Rock looked close enough to reach out and touch Triple H. The boy who would later call himself The Game was crying out in fear. Young Shawn looked back occasionally to make sure his friend was still up and running.

Amused, Kane smirked and sat down next to Daniel to watch the spectacle. Daniel looked a little distressed, but did not move, fearing that Kane would give chase like a tiger on the hunt. This distress was intensified when Undertaker joined him and Kane to see what was going on.

"Hang in there, buddy!" Shawn yelled to his friend, "We're almost to the teacher! She'll know what to do!"

"I don't know if I can run much longer!" Triple H cried in desperation, "It looks too far!"

"Don't worry; we're closer than you think!" Shawn assured him.

The future members of DX hurried to the teacher as quickly as possible. Ms. McMahon looked down and asked them what their problem was. "H-he was ch-chasing us!" Shawn panted, pointing at the boy who was still circling dangerously.

"Y-yeah," Triple H agreed, gasping for air, "All because I threw a rock at him." When Ms. McMahon glared at him sternly, he quickly added, "What? I thought he was actually made of rock. I didn't know it would hurt him."

"Nice save," Shawn whispered to his friend.

Well, I can assure you that Ms. McMahon gave those two an unsympathetic talking to. But let's not get into that, it got quite extensive.

XXXX(Much, _much_ later)XXXX

Ms. McMahon's speech about responsibility was cut short by the end-of-recess bell. The kids obediently lined up and marched inside. Ms. McMahon once again helped the children to their seats and asked them if they had a good recess. Most of them answered yes, except Triple H and Shawn (who had not enjoyed Ms. McMahon's speech) and Daniel (who was too busy keeping a careful eye on Kane and Undertaker to answer).

After a lesson on math and another on science, it was time for lunch. The children all rushed to the cafeteria, some with homemade lunches, and some without. Those without lunches from home lined up for some school food. Daniel found himself alone in line with Kane (Undertaker had brought a lunch from home). The people in front of them were busily talking and Kane was standing between him and Randy Orton, who had also forgotten his lunch.

"H-hi, Kane," Daniel said quietly.

"Hello," Kane answered, looking at Daniel with some interest.

A moment of tense silence followed. "Uh…" Daniel said, at a loss for a topic, "Nice weather we're having?"

Kane stared at him, confused. "Um, sure?" he said, as lost as Daniel for a better topic, "The clouds sure are fluffy today, aren't they?"

"Yeah," Daniel answered, "I hope it doesn't rain later, 'cause my daddy says that _really_ fluffy clouds bring rain."

Kane merely nodded. The line moved and the two boys began gathering what they wanted for lunch.

Already seated at a table, young Alberto Del Rio cautiously opened his lunch box, wondering what was inside. Suddenly, he stopped; a slightly younger boy had caught his eye for about the fifth time that day. Alberto had seen him drawing while the teacher had been explaining the rules, but the other kid had appeared to also be paying attention.

The boy began heading for an empty table, carefully balancing his lunch tray in his hands. Alberto, before he could stop himself, called out to him, motioning him over. When the boy came, Alberto said, "Come sit here, uh… What is your name?"

The boy sheepishly answered, "My name is Ricardo." (You saw that coming, didn't you?)

"Ah," Alberto said, "Sit here, then, Ricardo. No one is going to stop you."

"Gracias," Ricardo appreciatively said, placing his tray on the table and sitting down.

The period of silence that followed was a little uncomfortable for the usually talkative Alberto. After a while, it became a bit too much and he broke it, "So, do you like school much?"

"It's interesting," Ricardo answered, "Science was fun."

"Sí," Alberto said, remembering that Ricardo had said 'Gracias' earlier, "Did you see what John Cena did when the teacher mentioned kangaroos?" When Ricardo shook his head, Alberto told him, "Well, he stood up and hopped around the room like a bunny."

"So _that's_ what caused all that noise," Ricardo giggled. A few minutes later, after the initial hilarity of John Cena hopping around the classroom had died down, Ricardo smiled again. When asked what it was he was smiling about, he answered, "Well, I just remembered that 'Cena' means 'Supper' in Spanish." (Trust me, it does. Look it up.)

Alberto's eyes lit up at this. "You speak Spanish?"

"Sí," Ricardo answered, smiling again, "My parents taught me _Español_ before teaching me English." (Hopefully you know what _Español_ means.) "We're from Mexico," he awkwardly added.

"So is my family!" Alberto cried happily. The two of them conversed excitedly for the rest of the lunch period.

XXXX(Back in the Classroom)XXXX

"Okay, class," Ms. McMahon said, "Now we will begin Phonics."

Because Phonics is boring (Translation: Because I don't remember any of it), I will give you another window into the minds of a few five-year-old Superstars:

Daniel Bryan: _I really hope Kane doesn't chase me around after school like he did back in July._

Kane: _I should definitely chase Daniel like I did in July._

Undertaker: _Hey, I wonder if that dead possum is still on the side of the road._

Ryback: _They don't serve enough lunch around here. I'm still hungry. _

Kofi Kingston: _Why are we learning this? We already know how to talk._

John Cena: O_h, come on! Why is my nose so itchy?!_

Kane looked stealthily at John, who was trying desperately to scratch his nose. He grinned and put his hand in his pocket, where his fingers closed around a small bottle labeled "Ultra-Itch Powder". He recalled blowing just a pinch of this powder into John's face. It pleased Kane to see that the powder was still doing its job.

The Phonics lesson ended (not soon enough for some kids). With the end of one of the most boring subjects in Kindergarten, the beginning of one of the most fun came. "Okay, Phonics is over, kids," Ms. McMahon said cheerfully, "Now, we may begin art." The children cheered and scurried to gather their art supplies.

"For art today," Ms. McMahon explained, "You may do whatever you want, because, admittedly, I haven't prepared anything for today." More cheers filled the room.

Triple H pulled out his red crayon and began scribbling on a piece of paper. "What are you drawing?" Shawn asked him.

"I don't know," Triple H answered. "I guess I'll see when I'm done."

When Triple H was done, Shawn looked at the paper. He stared at the red blob in the center for a few minutes. "Is that a giraffe or a hippo?" he asked.

"Both," Triple H answered proudly.

Shawn's eyes widened. "Ooh, you have talent," he said admiringly, "You should go show the teacher."

Triple H did as his friend suggested and walked pompously to the teacher's desk. "I made a hippo-giraffe," he explained. He grinned broadly as Ms. McMahon looked his paper over.

"Very good," she said as she handed the scribbled-upon paper back to the child.

Triple H walked happily back to his desk and told his friend what the teacher had told him. "Look at what I made!" Shawn said excitedly as he showed Triple H what he had drawn. It was a stick-figure cat drawn with purple crayon.

"It's cute," Triple H said approvingly.

"It's a picture of my kitty, Vee-Vee," Shawn pointed out.

"You have a kitty?" Triple H gasped.

"Yeah!" Shawn exclaimed, "I also have a doggy named Flipsy."

"Ooh," Triple H said. "I only have a fish," he added sadly.

"I just had an idea!" Shawn gasped eagerly. "We should all bring our pets in for Show and Tell tomorrow!"

"Good idea!" Triple H stated cheerfully. "Let's pass it on." So, Triple H and Shawn moved about the classroom, marveling at others' artwork and passing on their message. After that, it was time to go home.

_That went surprisingly well. Don't worry; more chaos is to come in the next chapter. Until next time!_


	2. Pet Problems

**I still own nothing.**

The next day, at Show and Tell, the Kindergarten room at WWE Elementary was in utter chaos. Barking, meowing, and the occasional croak or bleat echoed off the walls and was audible up and down the hall. Shawn and Triple H gave each other a high five; they'd done well, creating chaos.

Ms. McMahon stared at each of the children's pets in turn. She had not expected this to happen. It was okay if one or two kids brought a pet, but all of them at once? Unheard of! If this was the case, however, the unfortunate teacher would have to go with it.

Rey Mysterio excitedly showed his pet frog to The Rock, who was holding the leash of a Dalmatian. Kane, who was holding a rope tied to a young goat he'd "found", grinned broadly at Undertaker, who had "borrowed" a chicken from the same farm. Kofi Kingston was wandering about the classroom with a parakeet perched on his head.

"Alright," Ms. McMahon said uneasily, "Each of you can come up to the front of the classroom and tell us about your pet. One at a time, now. Kane, you may tell us about your pet… goat."

Kane proudly led the goat to the front of the class. "This is… uh…" he began. He'd forgotten to name the thing on the way to school; he had to come up with something believable, fast. His eyes alighted on Daniel. "His name is Danny." Kane said, "He's a goat and he likes grass." Kane grinned at the class and took his seat.

"Um…" the teacher said, "That was very interesting, Kane. Undertaker, why don't you show everyone your pet?" _I hope it's not something dead,_ she thought, shuddering.

Undertaker walked solemnly to the front of the classroom. He showed everyone the struggling chicken in his hands. Then he began to make his way back to his seat. "Undertaker," Ms. McMahon said, "This is Show _and Tell_. Not just Show."

"Yeah," Sheamus piped up, "Show is over there." He pointed at the child the others called 'Big Show' (Or, occasionally, just 'Show'). Big Show waved at Undertaker. Undertaker sighed and made his way back to the front.

He showed everyone the hen again and growled, "This is Angry. She pecks my hand when I pick her up." He tramped back to his seat.

Triple H was next. "This is my fish, Swish. He likes to swim and eat flakes of fishy food," he explained, showing everyone his goldfish.

Then came Shawn. "I have a kitty named Vee-Vee," he said, showing the class his orange tabby cat. "She's very nice, but she scratches people she doesn't like." Vee-Vee struggled out of Shawn's arms, leaped up on Triple H's desk, and clawed him.

"Ow, bad Vee-Vee," Triple H scolded. "We're still working on it," he explained to his shocked classmates.

Vee-Vee eyed Swish, who was swimming happily in his bowl. The cat's paw darted for the bowl and the fish inside it. "Vee-Vee! NO!" Shawn cried, snatching the cat from Triple H's desk.

Triple H looked stunned. "S-sh-she tried to eat Swish!" he exclaimed. The class gasped. Triple H picked up the fish bowl and held it closely. "Don't worry, Swishy-Fishy," he said soothingly. "I won't let the evil kitty-witty eat you up. No, I won't." Several giggles arose at the way the usually tough Triple H talked to his fish.

"You are going back in your cage, you bad kitty," Shawn said, putting Vee-Vee in her cage.

Kofi walked up to the front of the class as soon as the rest of the children settled down. He gestured to the parakeet on his head. "This is Reggie, my parakeet," he explained. "I taught him to sit on my head so he wouldn't fly away." Reggie chirped cheerily.

Rey trotted to the front of the room and held his frog up for all to see. "This is Chuckie," he said, "He keeps the flies out of my house so my mommy let him stay."

"Do frogs have bones?" Shawn asked, raising his hand.

"Sure they do," Rey answered cheerily, putting Chuckie on the podium. "Chuckie broke his leg once. That's how I found him. He's all better now, though."

While Rey was answering, Chuckie leapt to the teacher's desk with one bound. With a second bound, he jumped onto her head. "Get it off me!" she shrieked, pulling Chuckie off of her head and throwing him onto the floor.

"Careful!" Rey cried, scooping up his frog, "You'll break his leg again!"

All that yelling set something off in the rest of the animals. Kane's goat started bleating and Angry squawked irritably. CM Punk's ferret growled crossly, pacing indignantly in his cage. Ricardo's Chihuahua squirmed from his grasp and began yapping.

Big Show's Great Dane, who had broken away from his owner, stopped squarely in front of the tiny Chihuahua. He growled menacingly and took a few steps forward.

"Malo perro! Malo!" Ricardo cried, dashing forward to protect the Chihuahua. (Bad dog! Bad!) "Permanecer lejos desde mi Estrella!" (Stay away from my Star!) (Sorry about my lack of language skills. These are literal translations, courtesy of a Spanish-English dictionary.)

The Great Dane, not understanding the boy's words, trotted away in confusion. Big Show made a lunge for the leach trailing from the dog's collar and caught it, holding the dog firmly in place. Ricardo clutched the still-struggling Chihuahua warily. The two boys stared at each other intensely, and then wandered away with their dogs.

Young Sheamus thought the chaos in the room was the funniest thing that had ever befallen the place. Secretly, though, he was quite relieved that his little rust-colored rabbit, Gremlin, was in her cage. The Irish boy knew that she would be leading the class on a wild chase throughout the school.

The uproar that emanated from the Kindergarten room was extremely loud, and the teachers of older classes came and complained. Eventually, it got so bad, Ms. McMahon was forced to call the children's parents and tell them to pick up their child and pet. So ended the second day of Kindergarten.


End file.
